It was less than a month ago that I signed for my apartment. My timeline is a little bit hazy, but I think it was Monday the 17th of April. I remember in the first week of April, the entire idea that something like moving could be done in a month seemed ridiculous: moving seemed to be a barrier, a wall, and I didn't know how I would get through it. My entire time here had been lived in one building, it seemed almost bizarre to reorder my life. But then it happened, quite suddenly, with some fatigue but without major problems, and now I don't even really connect my life now with my life in March. All those things became memories very quickly. This is despite the fact that for much of it, I can construct a pretty good day by day, sometimes even hour by hour, timeline.

So now I am here, getting rid of anxieties of my new life, as I figure out how to do things one by one. Finally figured out how to quickly and easily do laundry.

Another thing about this for me was there was already several phases in my life here. I think it was December or January that I really started to feel comfortable here, like I really knew what I was doing. By January, it was hard for me to understand my August self, and my August self couldn't understand my May self. But now, the January attitude feels just as far away as my initial, traumatized and confused May self.

So...what comes next?
Since my last entry, I have moved, something that I was planning for some time, and that was in process for a while. Moving, even when I had only a few boxes of stuff that could be moved pretty easily on the Metro, was a stressful process that is now completed.

My roommate is moving back to Spain, and it was probably time that I move out on my own. The last time I really had my own apartment was in Brookings, living in an empty two bedroom apartment, moving between a laptop stuck on three milkcrates and the mattress that I slept on in one empty bedroom. I was unhappy, but looking back on it, there was an element of enjoying the vacuum of privacy. I signed my contract here for six months, who knows what will happen in six months? I am giving myself a few weeks to enjoy being alone, enjoy the stress of moving being over, and then I am going to Think About The Future (TM).

Otherwise? Lots of things still up in the air, a lot of things that I am still juggling. The same story as always.
I don't know quite what to do with this, in many ways, LJ was a dead end. I need a place to express myself, to keep a record, maybe to make connections.

My LJ entries were rather cursory, and I might attempt to do a more involved, narrative post, where I get to the bottom of my feelings, whatever those are.

But for people just tuning in:

I am Matthew, I am a United States citizen who lives in Santiago, Chile. I work as an English teacher, to adults. I am 37 years old, and have done a lot of things, although sometimes not as many as I would like or think I should. I teach English to adults, in a business setting, so my days are mostly me travelling to different places at different hours. My classes are usually 1 or 2 people. Its a hard job to explain.

My time is cut up into inconvenient chunks, so I don't really have any time for "hobbies". There is a rushed quality to my life, which is in contrast to the expansiveness I had when I lived in Montana...of course, in Montana, I was unemployed and lived with my mother.

One of my goals on being here is to be able to think more about what I really want out of life. My life has been such a whirl that I haven't really had any time to be myself. I hope to change that, but I don't know how.

So...

Dec. 31st, 2016 08:41 pm
Its the last day of 2016, and with so much going on in my life, I choose to reactive my dreamwidth account, a place where I basically have no connections or history.

Why?

Because Facebook continues to be problematic. Beyond its personal annoyance for me, I think the "memeification" of Facebook, which later spread out to the culture on the whole, had some very negative consequences, including, obviously, the election of Donald Trump to the Presidency.

Livejournal, which I've continued to use for years, is somewhat doubtful because of its possible ability to be compromised by the Russian government.

Well, this is the world of 2016 2017 for you. And I want to adjust, because I want to be "the change I want to see in the world", and that change starts with finding better avenues of communication.
I know I haven't updated in a long time.

But, um, I will work on that soon?

Maybe?

January 2012 is an...odd time?
I think perhaps I should use dreamwidth to pour out my poor heart,
Since my livejournal is too stocked with random people for me to say anything truly...personal.
Besides, of course, I have other venues for doing so, and I don't know if it is really helping me at this point to go on and on about my troubles.
What would help me now are some scrambled eggs.

It is 1 PM

Aug. 23rd, 2010 01:08 pm
It is 1 PM.
What shall I do? I have been awake...four hours now?
And have mostly been internetting.
Blahhhh this entry is memoriable of LJ circa 2003. Besides in 2003, I would have gotten 20 responses for writing nothing!

Hello all

Aug. 19th, 2010 10:54 am
I need some friends here! Lets find some!

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